Alexis on the Sexes: This is 40

Is 26-year-old waitress out of his league?

Vita.mn
Updated 3/11/2015

Q: My question is about being out of someone’s league, if that’s still even a concern I should have. There is this guy I met through friends. He’s awesome, such a cool dude. But his looks are like … a 2 on my scale, plus he’s over 40. I think he’s a great friend, but I could never be fully sexually attracted to him. And that makes me feel bad, because he’s a good guy. But I know I just can’t, physically. But who am I to say that? He’s got money and success. And I’m a 26-year-old waitress. Who’s the better catch out of the two of us? And it seems as if hooking up has replaced dating for so many people (though not necessarily for me) so should I even care if they think I’m out of his league? Or vice versa?

A: We live within a downright judgmental culture, especially when it comes to sticking our noses into other people’s business. The celebrity gossip industry is particularly disgusting because it’s so dismissive and even encouraging of destructive behavior. What harm comes from throwing shade, even when the target is some Hollywood star you’ll never meet in this lifetime? It makes it OK to say mean things about someone else, and that kind of negative talk ultimately permeates daily life and becomes gossip about the people around you.

Now, I just really sounded like my mom right there, but the point is that talking about others behind their backs is poor conduct. It makes all of us insecure at times about the choices we make because we know we’re being judged. You’re well aware that the co-worker who’s always trash-talking the other servers is saying the same crap about you on your days off. And you know that, should you happen to start going on dinner dates with Mr. Over Forty, people — even your friends — are going to be talking about it behind your back. You’re a 10 and he’s a 2, so you must be a gold-digger and he’s obviously a cradle-robbing pervert.

Ignore for one moment the possible future opinions of others and consider all of the things you find so great about this guy. Just because others might not think he’s a match for you on the physical attractiveness scale doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be a good couple. For instance, I’m painfully anxious in new social settings, so I am drawn to partners who are outgoing and can strike up conversations with anyone. With that person at my side, I feel more confident and relaxed. A strong couple complements and improves one another, becoming better people together. Like yin and yang. You’re not just a 26-year-old waitress and he’s not just a guy over 40. Both of you have emotional, intellectual and physical attributes to offer that haven’t even presented themselves yet.

Go out to dinner with this guy. Not a date, just two friends sharing a meal. Before consuming alcohol, decide whether you’re absolutely certain you’re not attracted to him or if there’s suddenly a spark now that you’re alone with him. There’s no point in keeping him in limbo while you remain uncertain about your feelings, and the worst possible outcome is that you become better friends with someone you already think is pretty cool.

 

Q: Hello Alexis! I have a Neapolitan penis, always have. I’ve been curious about this my whole life and my wife hasn’t seen anything like it. I am not in porn and I don’t use self tanner, nor do I sunbathe without pants on. It’s interesting to know there are others out there (“Neapolitan,” Feb. 26), since this isn’t a normal topic of conversation. Thanks for the article.

A: Bingo! Thanks for sharing. Maybe Mother Nature just picked a really interesting spot to put your café-au-lait.

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